Emotion matters in Negotiations

Lt. Jack Cambria, the longest running head of the New York Police Depts. hostage negotiation team said that successful negotiators must, “experience the emotion of love at one point in their life, to know what it means to have been hurt in love at one point I their life, to know success and perhaps most important, to know what it means to know failure. The very good negotiators are the ones with life stories.” 

Following lessons from the NYPD’s negotiation training could be elements of successful training for professional negotiators in the business world as well.

Deal with emotions first: According to Cambria the first 15 to 45 minutes of a crisis negotiation are the most critical. Negotiation training teaches officers to “manage the emotion level first”. It can be difficult to confront emotions at the office but doing so often leads to unexpected breakthrough and promotes a calmer, more collaborative discussions.

Listen to learn: Listen carefully with the goal of identifying his key underlying problem or motivation. When we synthesize what we have heard as negotiators and probe our counterparts underlying feelings, we can get beyond simply focusing on what we are going to say next.

Build trust through small concessions: During the listening process, negotiators work to build a trusting relationship that allows for productive trade off. You can build trust in your negotiation by making concessions that are easy to give but valuable for the other party to receive.

Business negotiations are rarely the type of life and death situation. Yet as Cambria learnt in his encounters we are more alike than we are different – a fact that effective negotiation courses emphasis.

Source: The Hindu Empower, 23^rd September 2015

Do not bark

Os Hillman tells the story of a rider on horseback, who many years ago, came across a squad of soldiers who were trying to move a heavy piece of timber.

A corporal stood by, giving lordly orders to “Heave.”

But the piece of timber was too heavy for the squad.

“Why don’t you help them?” asked the quiet man on the horse, addressing the important corporal.

“Me?  Why, I’m a corporal sir!”

Dismounting, the stranger carefully took his place with the soldiers.

“Now, all together boys – heave!” he said.  And the big piece of timber slid into place.

The stranger mounted his horse and addressed the corporal.  “The next time you have a piece of timber for your men to handle, corporal, send for your commander-in-chief.”

The horseman was George Washington, the first American President.

Leadership isn’t barking orders at your followers; it’s helping them with the heavy lifting; don’t stay aloof from your people get amongst them.Respect for leaders is earned by getting down, rolling up your sleeves and getting your hands dirty.

A Simple Leader's Words of Wisdom......APJ